Love in My Heart

I'm not gonna lie and say I love India, but I also can't say I hate India.  I think we have a bit of a love hate relationship.  India has been my dream for as long as I can remember and it has been probably the most challenging place I have ever been too.

I have learned to try not to understand India and just (try) to go with it - even though it is not easy all the time.

I didn't really have the excitement in me that I usually have for places, even in Goa.  I loved Goa but didn't always like it.  I found it a bit pretentious to be honest.  I met some extremely rude people there but also some amazing people there.  I sometimes wondered if they were being their true selves or if it was all a show because they were in Goa.  It seemed like some of the things there were a little over the top at times.  One night at the hippie market (on the beach at sunset), I saw this woman walking, slow and straight through the crowd as if she was royalty while some guy cleared a pathway for her.  Maybe she was practicing walking with awareness but I'm not sure.

There was the older couple who would walk the streets with a stereo and microphones singing "Hari Krishna" through the streets.  Then at night I would see them on the beach still singing but with a circle of people around them.  Though, they always did put a smile on face.

After my feather left I went through emotions I hadn't felt in awhile but I also learned some things about myself that really helped me to understand a deeper part of me.  I ended up deciding to give in a little bit and join the others in a night at a club which was fantastic!!!  Then two days later we sat and day drank and then went to a reggae music festival.  Now I am not one for reggae but this was amazing!!!  Actually, it was pretty epic!!!  The music was a live concert, the people I was with were fantastic, the drinks were good, the vibe was good and my heart actually opened up to the music a little bit...I felt a little awakened and like myself...I let loose!!!  It was amazing and the perfect way to spend my last weekend in Goa!

Yes, that's right...last weekend.  I decided to meet Nick and Anouschka (the couple I met in Rajasthan with James) in Thailand.  I figured it was time to go.  I need a change of scenery.

However, I didn't realize how much of my heart was in Goa,  my last day was quite emotional and I shed some tears.  I was really sad to leave my hut... I know it sounds funny but I was really attached to it and I felt like leaving it I was leaving behind a part of  me and my special feather, that I was letting go.  I also didn't realize how much Goa became a bit like home and started feeling the love of things I didn't realize I liked so much...walking through the streets, the people I had met, walking on the beach, eating corn, my two favourite restaurants, the sound of the ocean 24 hours a day in my hut and the amazing people I had just spent my weekend with.  But, even though I felt sad I was leaving at the best time...I was leaving India with so much love in my heart and a big love for Goa, looking back it seems like it was all a dream but it was a great dream!

With my hut looking empty and tears in my eyes, I hopped in a cab and made the two hour drive to the airport.  When I checked my baggage I knew I was going to be over on weight.  I was allowed 20 kg  for free and then had to pay for any extra.  I was at 22.8 kg's.  "You have to pay." Said the girl.  "Yes no problem but just for the extra 2.8 Kg's right?"  She spoke to the girl at the counter beside her.  "Where is she flying to?"  "Thailand."  "It's international, don't worry about it."   Amazing!!!  Happy Emmie!!! I then had a  3 hour wait for a 50 minute flight to Bangalore where I had a 6 hour layover.  I was so exhausted.  I had woken up at 6am on my last day and didn't even nap...to top it off I was super hungry by 7am and the airport food was either something I didn't like or overpriced and was unwilling to spend that much...though I finally settled for a shitty omelet.  It's a good thing I did though as my next flight to Bangkok ... well... apparantly the airline I was flying with isn't; umm...I guess you would say fully operational?  They don't offer anything for free!!!  Not even tea!!!  You can only get water for free or pay for everything.  I was annoyed but I was so exhausted I spent most of the flight sleeping.  I literally fell asleep as soon as I got in my seat, but I of course had to wake-up for take off - my least favourite part of flying. 

I found the airport system in India long but very organized.  You have to wait inline just to get into the airport, they check your confirmation and your passport.  You can check in way before. Then I went through customs in two seconds, they check your bag before it gets loaded at the check in.  Sometimes, the left hand didn't know what the right hand was doing but I found it pretty simple and maybe even a bit of a time saver.

I'm not leaving India for good.  I am planning on going back but I really needed to take a break,  I feel it's been a very intense 3.5 months and need to step away for a bit and go back knowing what to expect.  I am still  waiting for myself to fall in love with India.... I made it happen in Mexico so I am sure I can do the same with India.

I am happy to say I am leaving India with so much love in my heart.

Now I am in Bangkok and........
Well, that's the next blog!

Goodbye Goa,   thank you.  Till next time.

                                               - My Beautiful Life -

A Chance Meeting, A Beautiful Chaos

A chance meeting...sometimes that's all it takes. A chance conversation...sometimes that's all you need.  A chance....sometimes makes it happen.  A chance to open up and feel something, to allow yourself to actually connect ... a chance to remind you that you are human.

I've gone through the past year of my life with a wall up... I couldn't bare the thought of allowing anyone to get close to me after the feathers I had allowed to swirl on my gust of wind.  Their gusts were more like a windstorm that ruined my colours and my vibrance leaving me in a pile of well...shit.  Just when I finally cleaned myself off I allowed a feather in a hurricane to lift me up and swirl me like Dorothy in her house and drop me off in a bad version of OZ.  This oz had no Lion, Tinman, Scarecrow or a Yellow Brick Road leading me to the Emerald City.  It was more a beast, can's of beer and a fire that ignited every time I took another step on the egg shell road which led into a deep dark world of lies and demoralization.

A crashed scooter with the result of a hospital visit and a broken arm, a trashed hotel room, infidelity, words of hatred and disgust, money lost... I saw the signs but I was pulled so deep into this nightmare version of OZ I didn't know how to get myself out.  Most of the people in my life didn't know and are possibly just hearing this for the first time.  I was embarrassed, I didn't want anyone to know so I painted a picture and made up excuses but those around me stepped back and those that didn't I tried to sugar coat every thing for them.  But that's all it is, a coating which breaks away and cracks after awhile letting you see what's underneath.

It wasn't easy, I had to work my way through a hurricane to find my way back to the world.  It took months of personal growth and support from well... I guess you could say my Glenda (is that her name?).  This person did everything they could to make sure I was okay, supporting me, being there when I would breakdown and cry for hours, reminding me of my colours and my inner beauty that I believed I no longer had.  I was tattered, bent and now looked like a dull sun-bleached feather and felt the same.  However, each day I cleaned the dust off and started seeing my colours again.  Then I took a chance.

A chance...an opportunity to hop on my gust and float to Mexico.  I took it, I needed some personal therapy...I wasn't running away, I wanted to focus on me and take care of number 1.  But, to every action there is a reaction and, in this case, it was to shut everything off.  No connections or emotions were to be involved and definitely no relationships...this was my "no zone."  I wasn't going to allow other feathers to affect my emotions so I could be left in the leftovers of chaos.  It worked!  I was living the best me with a confidence I felt exuded from me like sunshine.  I really felt incredible and for the first time in 3 years I felt beautiful and worth something. But I was hard.  No cares, no bullshit and had no issues calling people out...and surprisingly this worked too, telling it how it was and saying how I felt worked!  It was nice to actually stand up for myself.

I had no heartache or bad regrets, I had nothing but beautiful times all without tears or attachment.  With the life of a feather this made it so much easier, I wasn't crying and saddened about saying goodbye to others...I was accepting and happy just for them being in my life.  

India however has been different.  I have been disconnected from others around me...never finding a bond with anyone or the enjoyment I felt in Mexico but I have kept going not giving up.  Don't get me wrong I have met some great people but it hasn't been the same.  

Everyone around me has been on this incredible spiritual journey but for me it has been non-of that, I have felt nothing spiritual at all and I've been struggling with that.

But then I realized, I don’t need an awakening or meditation to find my inner me or find myself...in fact it was the opposite.  I had my own practice of cultivating happiness and positivity into my life, I knew who I was and felt that I am on the right path, I don't feel lost at all.  I had my spiritual experience in Mexico...that's where it all fell into place for me and even though I thought I needed to...I didn't need to come to India to find it...it took me up until a week ago to realize this. Even with this realization though, I’m still disconnected from others as with most people here I don’t really have a common ground so I tend to keep to myself mostly.

Then, a chance meeting over coffee just a nice conversation with a stranger.  Within hours it turned into a friendship which then hours after that turned into two feathers in a chaos together.  I decided instead of just enjoying I would allow myself to open up and feel just a little bit.  It wasn't easy, and I struggled with myself and my feelings, trying to exit this joint chaos but then asking "will I regret not even taking a chance.  Is it safe to let myself enjoy and free my emotions?  Can I take a chance of the pain it will cause when it's over?" as there is always an expiration date over your head.   The dreaded death date that kills me every time, the dreaded death date that always makes me spin out of orbit.  

Was it the right decision to allow myself to feel even for a short time...could I allow myself even a small connection...could I allow myself to feel...could I allow myself to feel human?  It had been a year since I allowed anyone to see my heart and my plan was to keep it that way...but what if?  I mean...I always have the choice to leave the chaos.  

It's a beautiful feeling to connect with someone, especially with someone who loves the colours of your feather and swirls with you at a perfect velocity just to ruffle you up a bit but just enough to keep you safe and then gently put you down when they have to keep floating.

Was it an easy experience...no...I like to keep myself guarded to keep myself safe...I’ve experienced a lot of bullshit and heartache to last anyone a life time.  Allowing someone to come in for a short period and leave after I have opened up and allowed any sort of emotion is killer and the after effects are not something I am emotionally equipped for. 

Was it worth it?

I need to protect myself not just physically, but mentally and emotionally as well and I’ve worked really hard this past year to reach a point of happiness while still keeping myself from emotional and mental hurt as well as abuse.  But I gave in....

...and it was beautiful.  It felt so good to connect, difficult but beautiful.  This chaos we were in, opened my eyes to things about me and my life. I experienced so much beauty, understanding and calmness lol things that I don't usually experience while floating with others.  If anything, I have come out with more understanding of myself and what I want.  A leap of faith in trusting a joint chaos was a huge step and it was the perfect way to end an incredible year.  So yes, it was worth it, everything that got me here was worth it...yes even the bad version of OZ.  Sometimes we need to be broken down to build ourselves into who we are meant to be.  I have no regrets because with out these mistakes we will never learn and without these mistakes I wouldn't be where I am today and I like where I am and who I have grown into and if I had regrets then I would regret where I am and I do not regret where I am.

If this past week of actual emotion has taught me anything it's this....  It's okay to be guarded but it's okay to feel as well; you just need to find a balance somewhere and that's something I need to work on.  Also, maybe being open and honest with someone and sharing yourself isn't such a bad thing but only if it's the right person.  I really didn't mind sharing my gust of wind with another feather, it was really nice to float with another for awhile.

I am so grateful for this feather who came into my life who just swirled with me so easily, respectfully with understanding and compassion and accepting my colours and me theirs with no talk of alteration...our gusts fit so well together and it was so beautiful. No regrets…maybe some sadness but still pure honesty and openness…pure beauty, a chance I’m happy I took.

If I can give you some advice for the new year it's this:

Everything happens for a reason...I truly believe this!!!  Mexico was a rough ride in the beginning but everything that happened showed me a beautiful result in the end...so not matter what it is bad or good, sadness a bad version of OZ your egg shell road will always take you where you need to go even if you get sidetracked it will always lead you to your gust of wind ... it never leaves you...it will always wait.  So even if you feel that you've hit rock bottom remember you can't go any lower, all you can do is start moving up... the universe will never give you more than you can handle.

Don't let anyone out there fuck with your heart!!!  Don't let anyone destroy your feather and let you feel ugly and leave you in your own version of a bad family movie.  Know your worth and know who you are.  Don't feel it's selfish to take care of number 1 because in the end you are the most important person in your life.  Be careful who you let in and don't be afraid to say how you feel or to call someone else out.  But don't be so closed off that you can’t float with another for awhile...don't deprive yourself of the joy and beauty of sharing a chaos with someone else because in the end you are depriving yourself of a beautiful experience...find your balance, take a leap of faith, don’t have regrets and…take a chance, find your colours.

Mine are blue, and guacamole green :) 

Happy New Year!

                                                     - My Beautiful Life. -

A Bucket and Beach Life!

Last Saturday I woke up feeling really off.  My body was sore and my stomach had this really weird hollow feeling in it.  I tried doing some yoga but I couldn't focus so I decided to go get some sugarcane juice, it usually helped with hangovers so I figured it would help with this weird feeling.
I was thinking it could be from just sleeping on a shitty mattress or, I was getting a migraine.  Either way sugarcane was my goal and then back to my hut for a video call.

As I walked along in the heat I felt drained and dehydrated and the thought of food, well, honestly... I didn't have an appetite (surprisingly).  I just wanted to get back to mine and relax my body.

After my video call I decided to take a nap.  At this point I had a bit of a headache and I was feeling nauceous.  I figured taking a nap I could sleep it off.  However it seemed to get worse in my sleep.  I felt even more sick to my stomach and my energy plummeted, my stomach started to gurgle and new I had to make a trip to the toilet which honestly is 7 steps from my bed but it took a lot of energy to convince myself to get there. 

I made it safely and released the lower half of my body.  Water, it was literally water.  When I got off the toilet I grabbed the big bucket in my bathroom and put it beside my bed  just in case I thought.  With my lack of energy I just had a feeling.

I went back to sleep but it was worse this time.  I kept dreaming of food and people eating and I kept waking up feeling more and more nauceous and my stomach was sore and gurggling.

                                                            WARNING
*For those of you with weak stomachs I would skip this part....it doesn't get pretty*

I tossed and turned for awhile with horrible food dreams until I finally just shot up in bed and felt it.  Uh oh I thought.  I turned to the side, leaned over my bucket and let go.  Literally projectile vomited 5 times into the  bucket.  I couldn't stop it just kept coming out .... must've been the bad fruit.

Let's rewind back to Friday. 

My friend and I had bought some fruit and took it to the beach with us but I had a cantaloupe left over so I decided to eat it the next day for lunch. 

I was enjoying my fruit it was tasty.  However it had a bad spot in it so I was cutting it out, that's when I saw them.... MAGGOTS!!! I ran to the toilet and vomited hoping that if I had swallowed/ingested I had gotten them out.

Now back to the bucket....

Must've been that bad fruit. Fucking maggots!!! 

I stopped vomiting, then felt my lower half start going.  Fuck! At this point I felt even weaker and those 7 steps ahead of seemed like a life time away but I needed to get there and fast.  At the same time the smell from the bucket was hitting my nostrils.... ughhh.

I picked up the bucket, and as fast as I could I went to my toilet, literally making it there just in time. 
The sweats started at this point and the whole feeling of being sick just came over my body.   I released what I could from my lower half but again, it was water and not much as I literally had nothing left in my system at this time.  Again the smell of the bucket was hitting my nostrils as I was emptying myself.  Ughhh....this is so not fun.

Finally I finished.  As quickly as I could I got up, flushed, dumped the bucket while looking the other way, filled it with water, dumped it again and repeated.  Put it back beside my bed and stumbled outside.  At this point I had tears running down my face, sweat and literally looked like something out of a Stephen King movie hahaha.

One of my landlords sisters said "Emmie, what's wrong."  "Please I need some bottles of water I'm not feeling very well."  However, I actually felt 30% better!  I went back to sleep but the worst of it was over and I only got better from there.   I still had diarrhea for a few days but whatever it was - I think it was the maggots - was out of my system.

Lol I know I know, it's not a pleasant story but I figured if I go through it, you want to read about it so detail is important hahaha.

That's seriously the worst thing that has happened to me since I have been in Inida and I am glad it happened here.   The fact of having my own place, a couple of friends here and the people I rent from knew I was sick and said I could knock on their door anytime of  night made me feel so much better.  There is nothing like being sick like that and worrying you might die from it hahaha.

So yes... my own place.  The day after James and I arrived in Goa I was on a mission to find myself a place.  By early afternoon I had found a hut on the beach run by a family!  I moved in a couple days later.

I had called my buddy Jim - I met him and his sister Lucy at Tushita in Dharamkot and Jim is living here until April - to see if he could help me move as we all know I don't travel light.  He rolls up on his motorcycle.  Amazing!  I was hungover and didn't want to carry my 80 litre backpack and all extras across town.

I bought him lunch and then we went to this all day party at this high end resort.  It was okay...not totally my thing and I lost him for about two hours so wasn't having fun at that point but it was interesting and I ran into some people from the hostel.  The music well.... it was reggae and then went into dubstep which I can't stand but the last set was pretty good.

It's a big pot smoking community here and it's not really my thing.  They smoke it every where here even in the restaurants so going to these parties it's just everywhere lol which is not my thing at all. But Jim is fun to hang out with and it was nice meeting other people and seeing others I knew.

I seriously couldn't be happier.   There are 6 huts, three small and three big - I have a big one as I am going to be here awhile and it has a bathroom, no hot water though.  It's got a little gated area that opens right up to the beach!  I can hear the ocean in my hut! 

My days are spent walking through the market streets or hanging at the beach.  I teach (or trying anyways)  yoga 4 mornings a week, then I go to the beach and then I come back and teach.  It is literally perfect and I am smiling every day.   I have 3 locations for teaching but I don't really know anyone here so it's hard to get people to come but it will happen over time.

I know some of the cafe and restaurant workers but I honestly keep to myself most of the time unless I happen to go over to the hostel and then meet someone and hang out with them until they move on to their next destination which actually happened just recently.

Christmas, I went over to the hostel as I was supposed to teach yoga there but knew it wouldn't happen (everyone there partied the night before).  But I went because it's a commitment.  I started talking to this guy (Flavius) about.... ummm I can't even remember but we ended up going to a bakery for breakfast and then hung out at the beach all day.  We decided since we were both alone and it was Christmas to go for a really nice dinner on the beach which was fantastic!  Though, my stomach was still a bit off because it was only days before I had been sick so I couldn't eat a lot...but the wine went down well.  I was only going to have glass but he said "two, it's always two glasses.  One glass makes only one leg go funny so you need two to balance things out."  I got confused between the word glasses and bottles...because it was two bottles that balanced things out for me haha.   After a fantastic dinner at Zodiac - which is where I always go to lie in the sun as the service is great and one of the guys who works there is fantastic - we decided to see if there was anything going on at the hostel however we didn't make it there. 

At the beginning of the street where the hostel is there is a restaurant called Rendez-vous and it is one of my favourites.   As we walked by I saw the manager in there and popped in to say Merry Chirstmas.  This ended up in a few free beers!  Merry Christmas!!! 

James left last week ... I was sad as I feel like he had been with me almost my whole India adventure.  I miss his smile and his accent and just having him around but he was going home to surprise his mum for Christmas.

There is always something going on here.  Live music, yoga, parties....you can't be bored.   At night the beach restaurants put tables all along the sand and light candles, they have fresh fish on ice and some also have live music. If you keep walking further South from me you come to the hippie market and drum circle.... it's a completely different vibe but it is super cool.   Goa is full of tourists and ex-pats so there is a very big foreign community.  It's very different from what I am used to.

It's really hard to explain.  I guess the way I am spiritually is on a different level than a lot of the people here.  So clicking with people ins't always easy, but I enjoy watching and listening and I have bought a hoola-hoop hahaha so we will see how that goes.

To my write there are the cliffs.  You take the single road that goes through this little market - and I love walking through it - for about 20 minutes.  When you come out on the other side  you are at this really pretty beach...much quieter than Arambol beach.... and there is also this beautiful round lake, surrounded by palm trees and jungle.  I love it over there... Sweet Water Beach.

Last week I had gone with a buddy of mine.  Flip flops off - as it's sand and rock and most people here go barefoot - walking along and then SMASH!!! MY TOE!!! AGAINST A ROCK!!! ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!!! Seriously,  I have not had good luck with my feet this year.  It's fine though lol thank goodness.  I kept checking it to make sure that it wasn't broken hahaha, that's all I need.

Two days ago  Flavius and I decided to go to one of the restaurants along the cliff and enjoy a beer and pizza.  The place was really nice with good music - I felt a little bit like I was in Mexico - and I was so looking forward to my pizza.  When it arrived I looked at it with hungry eyes, picked up a slice and took a big bite.  Mmmm broccoli,  I took another bite ..... there was absolutely no flavour in anything, Not in the tomatoes, cheese, or even the broccoli for that matter, there wasn't even a bit of tomato sauce on it.  It was bland as fuck...and honestly the worst pizza I ever had.  It was like the last person I hooked up with, boring with no excitement and enjoyable on their side hahaha seriously it was awful.  Flavius said his was the same but he was hungry so he ate both his and mine. 
When our server came over and asked how it was I was honest "it was bland there was no taste at all, it was the worst pizza I have ever had."  "Okay" he said and smiled.  That was all. Hahaha, gotta love India.

Now it is the 29th of December,  not much time left before the new year is here!  I'm actually really excited for 2019 ... I have quite a bit going on - that I can't share yet - but its in the works and being here in my hut is great as I can get a lot of work done and focus.

Today Flavius and I are gonna go for lunch and then..... I don't know....the beach maybe lol, or maybe some yoga on the beach.  He likes doing yoga with me because I show him how to actually work the postures.  Who knows really ... its a lazy but active life...you aren't doing anything but aren't doing nothing here lol. It's exactly what I need.

So....with that being said.  Enjoy your last few days of 2018 and be safe on New Years Eve...don't drink and drive and don't drive and drink.   I wish you all the best for the coming year.  Until then... talk to you next year!

                                                               - My Beautiful Life -

The Blue City, Photos and Being in a Mixing Bowl.

So I left off with James and the Dutch checking out the city while I stayed back. I also went to bed early that night while the others stayed up.

The next day (which was our last day)  we went for a walk through the city streets.  I really wanted to go to the Blue City where everything is ...well, blue!

I really enjoyed walking the city streets!  It was wonderful.  Because we were in a local area nobody really bothered us.  No one was trying to sell us anything at all, they just waved and said hello.  The best part was all the photos we got asked for...not of us but of them.  We would be taking pictures of buildings or dogs and they
would ask or show with their hands that they wanted photos of themselves and then would ask to see them.   One woman fixed her head scarf to show her earrings and after I took a photo of her a woman walked up to me and asked for hers to be taken.  Another man wanted his photo with Anouschka and I after we took pictures of puppies. I usually don't take pictures with the locals but he was really sweet and then offered us free chai masala - my angel drink so it was well worth it.

We saw some children playing at a doorway and asked them for a photo and they ran behind their gate, but their mum came out and made them stand for the photo.

Two men eating in front of a doorway asked for their photo to be taken, another woman asked me if I would take a photo of her after I took pictures of the spices in the shop she was sitting at.

I hadn't felt this relaxed since being in the cities.  I am not a city person but India is full-on so its a completely different experience than any other city.  I felt calm and happy and really enjoyed meeting the locals and loved that they wanted their pictures taken.

I was really excited about the Blue City...blue is my favourite colour so it was like blue heaven for me.  It's not as blue as you would think but it is still pretty blue.

After wandering the streets we found a nature park with awesome view points of the Fort and the Blue City.  We wandered the pathways and climbed up towers - which wasn't fun for my vertigo but the pictures turned out great!

We were back by 3pm and I hopped on my computer to teach and then James and I headed to the bus station for our 32 hour journey down to Goa!

It wasn't  too bad.  He had a sleeper bus so we had our own little cubbies... it's not a the best sleep but
it is heaps better than sitting in a seat all day and night.   Stretching my legs was the biggest bonus, it was definitely more comfortable for my legs.  My head however, was a different story.  My ceiling was weird so it came lower which means I couldn't really sit straight so I always had to sit half up.  I also didn't have a curtain in my cubby so I had to make shift a curtain with no hooks and my scarf and succeeded.

The next day we had a stop in Mumbai.  After an hour I asked why we were waiting so long ... we arrived an hour early so we had to wait.  Okay that's fair, but then we stopped again and just sat there, not moving. "Get off the bus! Now" You get off!"  There were only 4 of us on the bus and they wouldn't drive to Goa with just four of us on the bus so they were changing us to another sleeper bus...but they didn't even want to give us enough time to put our stuff together, they were in a hurry.

James and I had to share a bed....well,  this is how it works.  He could share with me or, I would take one to myself and he would have to share with someone else.   When you book a double you only book half of the sleeper, but if a woman books a double and a man books the same bed, the man is not allowed that spot.  So with only two spots left on this new bus these were the options so we decided to share.  We were at the back on the bottom and it was just a curtain not a door and it was bumpy as fuck!!! I felt like I was a bunch of ingredients being tossed around in a mixing bowl.  I was lying down just being thrown around in a circular motion and I swear I even got a little bit of air underneath me.  I just giggled, I found it entertaining and made things a little more active for our long drive.

Due to the switch of the buses we were now on the new buses schedule which meant we didn't have a food or bathroom break for about 10 hours!!! Ughh.   And no, they don't have toilets on the  bus, they usually stop every 3 -4 hours but we got on this bus at 7 so it was 3 hours for them, much longer for us.

We arrived in Goa tired but excited!

The beach, after weeks in the cities and mountains I need to get back to the sunshine and  sand.

I have adjusted perfectly to the life here in Arambol Goa.  I have rented my own hut on the beach and... well, you are gonna have to wait till my next blog post.

                                                        - My Beautiful Life-

"Come to the Desert," they said. "It will be fun!"

So far, I think Pushkar is my favourite city. There is a buzz about it as well as a smell about it...but I really liked it.

The first day we got there we didn't really do anything... the hostel it an awesome rooftop cafe so we just sat around and enjoyed doing nothing.

The next day however, we decided to go down to Pushkar Lake in the morning and then head back as the Dutch were arriving sometime in the late afternoon.

Pushkar Lake.

One of the three most holiest waters in India.  Pilgrims  come from all over the country to bathe in the Ghats - holy pools - surrounding the lake.  Each Ghat has a name and it is said that some of Ghandi's ashes were spread in one of them.  It's not overly breath taking but there is a very nice energy there, quiet and peaceful.  It was really nice to just sit there, watching the people bathe,  a man yell at tourists to take off their shoes - he also yelled at me because I had put my shoes on the ground beside me where I was sitting.  Cows eating garbage - yup even here they throw away their garbage but yet we can't wear our shoes.  There are locals scamming tourists with the purchase of flowers and a long winded story with a small ceremony... it was interesting, funny and peaceful all at the same time.  You also can't take pictures (sneaky me.)

We wandered the small streets as its not really a city, the town (from my understanding) was built around the lake, but it's busy.  Like Rishikesh, the streets are not just busy with people and cows but motorbikes as well.  There is a lot of honking and close calls to getting run over, but I managed to survive.  Also, just like Rishikesh the streets are lined with shops and cafe's, but they seem to be more colourful, darker but with a warm cozy feeling.

There is a real hippy vibe in Pushkar, shops have crazy fluorescent posters or curtains hanging outside which would give their full effect under a black light, funky clothing (no I didn't buy any), and a cafe (as I only know of one) that sells bung lassi's.  A lassi is a curd (yogurt drink) ... I can maybe explain it as a thick Yop type drink.  A bung lassi has hash in it.  The guys enjoyed theirs,  I enjoyed my water lol but we did sit and draw pictures for 2 hours laughing like children.

The next day James, Gareth the Dutch and I went for a walk through the busy streets and headed to the Brahma temple.  It's the only one like it in the world and people come from all over to see it.  It is a quick visit but it is interesting to see.  You get blessed and give offerings and walk down below into a tomb where it is said part of the God Shiva is buried.

I had to work so I headed back before everyone but Gareth joined me as we wanted to book a camel safari tour for the next day.

A two hour camel ride into the desert, sunset, supplied water, a cabin (basically glamping style in the desert), running water, hot showers, a nice meal, bonfire, traditional dancers, breakfast and a two hour camel ride back... "be here for 4 o'clock tomorrow.  We were super excited!!!

We met there at 4 and walked over to our camels.  My came - Salim - was fantastic...he listened and rode very nicely so I wouldn't fall off.  Gareth' however, was not as great.  Cobra, kept trying to scratch his legs because he was itchy from the flies, so he would throw up his back leg which made for Gareth's ride a little unstable.

We walked through a gypsy village where I had a guy tell me "nice camel, I like your tattoos," and follow Salim and I for a bit.   Our sunset point was also in a gypsy area and we got followed and hounded by them for money... but I got some great photos and the camels were able to rest and take a nap for a little bit.

There were water stops for the camel so they wouldn't dehydrate,  Salim slurped it up like loudly,  like a child slurping up a bowl of soup.  However when I asked for water they said it wasn't included...first red flag.

After awhile the guides got on the camels with us.  Just as we hit the "desert" I noticed that the remote for my new selfie stick had fallen out of the bottom of my stick so we had to back track 20 minutes.  Not only did we not find it but it set us back 40 minutes so by the time we got back to the "desert" it was dark and Gareth was in pain.  "Camels are not fun when you have testicles!"  He yelled back at Salim and I. "And my ass is going raw."  I won't lie, camel's are not the most comfortable thing to ride, they are awkward, the seats are uncomfortable and the stirrups are rope, so I had that rubbing against my foot.  To be honest, I kind of wanted the ride to be done with, I just wanted to get to our campsite, chill with the others from their rides around the campfire, watch the dancers and just relax.

"How you doing up there Gareth?!?"  I called.  "I'm meditating."  "Is it helping?" "Kind of, but not really!"

I was a bit nervous going through the "desert" at night and the back of Gareth and his guide on the camel looked really fucking scary to be honest.  It looked like a very tall lank person hunched over walking, swinging it's arms oddly (look up Slender Man, ughh, so creepy) in the middle of the track in this so-called "desert."  Desert, the second red flag...it wasn't a desert, it was literally just sand with buildings and some trees.  "Come to the desert, they said, it will be fun," Gareth said up ahead of me.  "I'm guess your testicles aren't any better?"  I called up.  "No!"

Then we see some silhouettes of camels, camels every where.  They were just standing there eating or doing whatever camels do.  My guide hopped off the back of Salim and lead us through the group of camels -  I couldn't tell what was a tree or a camel at that point - and to our campsite.

"Good night Salim, get some sleep and I will see you tomorrow," I said as I got off him.  It's a little difficult walking after being on a camel for a few hours,  it's kind of like having a pickle up your but, or at least that's what Gareth looked like.

We stopped dead in our tracks when we entered the campground.

No more red flags...just you've been scammed flashed across the clear night sky!

There were no cabins just four big tents and a bonfire... if you could call it that.  A big piece of a tree with a small fire in the middle of a big group - I think they were from Korea or at least some of them were, the others could've been from Japan.  This is based off of one guy having a Korean Red Cross vest on and an Indian kid asking us if we were from Korea or Japan - one of the women laughed at this.

We were shown into our huge tent that was done up with mattresses on the floor with pillows and duvets and they served us some fresh chai masala (bonus.)

We went to join the others outside, however they didn't speak English so it was just us two with our dinner.  I didn't eat much of it as I didn't trust the food at this point especially after seeing the so called bathroom... a tarpaulin covering with a toilet inside of it.  Yes a real toilet but obviously not flushable,  we were in the middle of the "desert" how would it even flush.

We giggled at our dinner and tried to make light of things...it was quite funny but extremely disappointing.  We did get traditional dancers however as promised which I think were the best part
of the night.  They were beautiful and jingled with every move... however they came around asking for tips when done.

I decided after this to curl up with my book and call it a night... I was getting a cold and due to lack of other's for us to communicate with I wanted to get some sleep.  The others however had their own plan, beer and saki they clapped and laughed away and slept under the open sky.

Before getting into bed I asked Gareth to walk over to the so-called toilet with me.  As I was about to enter one of the Korean/Japanese men came over and said "no," and pointed.  Then I heard "HUHHHHHHHH!" Uh oh,  I thought and looked at Gareth, we giggled.  Again "HUHHHHHHHHH."  Someone's stomach definitely wasn't agreeing with the food.  When she walked out and I peaked in...yup...toilet doesn't flush... I peed out behind a bush somewhere.  On one  foot as I didn't realize down hill was towards my left food.

Grumpy Gareth - as he called himself - was obviously in negative mood as everything bothered him, the music, the sand in the bed, there are burrs on the comforter, "when are you turning the light off?"

I was fine, I fell asleep reading my book thought didn't sleep well but I slept, but we did find hundred's of mice footprints around the bed...at least they didn't crawl in the bed with me....at least I don't think they did.

We woke up at 6:30am ready to leave, Gareth especially.  "I'm not riding a camel today I'm walking, I'm in too much pain and...."  he continued on. I felt the same, I wanted to leave, my cold was worse, I literally wanted my cat and my laptop and a movie day - a girl can dream. 

We walked down to the camels... Salim was eating contently but neither him or Cobra were ready to go.  I looked at my phone, 7:02am, we should be leaving already.  I walked up to the makeshift kitchen and asked if we could leave..." tea, masala, five minutes."  "No thank you, we would like to leave now, we were told we would leave at 7 and be back by 9 and we have to catch a bus."  They didn't really like the response but they went down to get the camels ready.  "I thought we got breakfast?"  I asked "We hab banana?"   "No thanks."

There was a big fuss when we were getting on our camels.  Gareth wanted to sit in the second seat as it was more comfortable for his testicles. "Okay, you and her, one camel okay?"  "No!" I said harshly.  "We paid for two camels, we are each getting one.  What is the big deal?  He can sit in whatever seat he want's."  At this point Grumpy Gareth started walking (a little bit over-reacting in my opinion), but finally after calling him back he got on the camel.

When we got to the road he got off and started walking still grumpy..."I haven't showered since yesterday morning!" he says.... "ummm, neither have I."  Geez it's only 24 hours...relax dude, it's not the end of the world.  I get it...he was set off when we got to the campsite so everything was bothering him, but I was sick plus hungover the day before and I didn't complain as much as him...he would've hated the camper van trip I did in New Zealand, we barely got to shower hahaha.

 When we got back to the the guides asked for tips!  Gareth gave them a tip... I wasn't obliged.

"That was horrendous!"  Gareth said when we were walking back to our hostels.  "Dude, that was not horrendous.  It wasn't what we paid for but it wasn't horrendous...and I definitely have a good blog to write about it."  "It was horrendous."  It definitely wasn't the best thing I have experienced or the greatest tour I have gone on but it definitely wasn't the worst either, I find it kind of funny to be honest.

Later that day Gareth went to the guy and complained.  He was in complete denial of ever saying any of the sales pitch he gave us.  When he complained about no water their response "there was water in the toilet."  Hahahahaha.

I ended up going in as well when I was looking for a bank.  The man didn't say much to me...he just looked at him and kept saying "okay."  Some young guy tried telling me another guy sold me the trip but I laughed at him.  "All those pictures you showed us saying you personally took them on one of the trips.  Look at the cabins with running water?  Why don't you show me those pictures on your phone again and I will show you mine and we can compare."   "I'm not a cheat." He said very quietly.  "Hahhaha, you scam tourist's and you have probably already done it again today and will do it again tomorrow.  Your not a very nice person, your an asshole."  I left, and I felt better.

We were supposed to grab a bus to Jodhpur that day but James wanted to wait till the next day...thank goodness.  I was tired and not feeling well from my cold so I didn't want to go anywhere.  I relaxed, read my book and went to sleep.

We grabbed a bus yesterday to Jodhpur and had an awesome night at the hostel with the Dutch and some new friends playing cards.

James and the Dutch went to walk around the city.  I stayed back to write this and I also work in 30 minutes...but I am still fighting my cold so  I really don't mind having a day to myself.

So with that, I am going to say until next time. I hope you enjoyed my desert story... and remember, beware of Desert Safari's lol they will tell you they are fun.

                                                                     - My Beautiful Life -

Sad Elephants, a Wonderful Man and a Dream for Me.

The Yoga classes in the mountains were great and so was the teacher!  It was a type of yoga I had never done before; in fact, I had never even heard of it until I saw it on the sign... but it was fantastic.  It concentrates on opening all of your chakras and wow... do you ever feel fantastic after class...lighter, cleaner and just all around great!

The studio...if you didn't know what it was (which I hadn't up until
this point) you would think it was just a big tarpaulin tent...however when you went inside it was this cute little studio with a few mats  and felt laid out on a cement floor.  Shawls hanging along the wall to give it some colour and
one side completely open to the beautiful  mountain view... it was the perfect place.

We did this for a few mornings and then went for a nice brunch as I was always hungry afterward ... of course.

Our last morning we sat with our wonderful teacher in his garden, drinking tea with mint pulled fresh from his garden.  We talked about life and yoga enjoying the moment with an incredible view of the mountains... life is good.

I took an overnight bus to Delhi...and it was a shitty bus!!! First I had to walk from the hostel up the rocky road (no, not the ice cream), in the dark to get a cab...thank goodness the guy from the hostel carried my backpack and guided the way because I would still be there lost and crying hahaha.

The bus...well...let''s just say it wasn't my best bus experience in all the years I have traveled...however I did meet some awesome people so it has a bonus side...plus I got a story out of it ... another bonus.

I usually spend more money on a bus for comfort but the hostel could only book with this company and I wasn't walking down to Macleodganj until the next day and that's when I wanted my ticket for so I decided to go with it.

It was a pure traveler bus...I saw people from the meditation course and other I hadn't seen before.  It was just a bunch of travelers so it meant the bus wasn't full and I had an empty seat next to me...score...this means I could stretch out and get a better nights sleep.  WRONG!!!  The bus was so bumpy... it had no shock absorber's so it bounced and shook.  I was getting a big motion sick and the girl a few rows up was vomiting into a plastic bag.... it was cold with her window open but it felt good and helped me feel better.  I think she puked the better part of the trip.

We bounced all night...at one point I saw my computer bag in the middle of the isle along with my shoes.  My tea holder went flying out of my hands and I  couldn't find it but the guy in front of me handed it back.   The seats were silky so when I found a decent position I would just slide right out of it.  Bumps had us flying out of our seat... so a sleep ... even a decent sleep seemed very far out of my reach for the night.

We did however arrive two hours early.... let me explain.   In India you are usually on time, or late but never early.... so... he was driving like a speed demon... just like our driver to Taj Mahal... trust me you can feel it in a bus especially when it's bumby.  I didn't mind though it cut our drive from 12 hours to 10 hours.  The guys at the hostel were great...they woke up and let us check in which was great.

I met two others on the bus.  Kirsten and Benny.  Benny had been talking about staying at a guest house which was close to where we were.  It was $3 a night but I would've paid $3 just to not stay there.  There was mold absorbed into the white walls,  the communal toilet had old cigarettes on the floor and I didn't even want to have a look at the shower.  The bed room looked a bit like a jail cell.  Benny stayed there but bought new sheets and blankets and Kirsten stayed with me at the hostel.

It was  nice day we went for lunch and dinner.... I booked my bus for the next day..... I did another cheap one because it wasn't an overnight trip and then went to bed.

I caught my 7:30am bus the next morning and was on my way to Delhi to meet up with James (met him in Delhi when I first arrived).  Just like last time, he was the first face I saw when I entered the hostel.  We had drinks that night...well, we had to buy them under-the-table as it was a dry day.  I felt the beer the next morning (and the cigarettes - I know, I know) but I wasn't bad...and we were off to Jaipur.

Our bus trip was 6 hours.  James had booked our bus and went expensive so we had a nice bus... well not the nicest I have had but at least nicer than my overnight bus.  We arrived in Jaipur around 5, hopped in a tuk-tuk and went to the hostel.    We went for dinner with one of our roommates to a restaurant just up the road from the hostel that the owner had recommended.  It doesn't look like much from inside or outside but of course the food was great!

The next morning I was up early to do my yoga practice and our roommate joined me, and while we were practicing two other girls asked if they could have a class with me the next morning.  I of course said yes but ended up sleeping in so it didn't happen.

The next day we planned a city tour...the tuk-tuk driver had given us his number so I had messaged him with a list of places we wanted to go and he said okay for a very good price - $20.

We went to the Amber fort - we don't know anything about it really because we didn't get a guide but I took some awesome pictures.  There were elephants there.  I cried when I saw them.  The elephants are beaten and treated horribly.   It is always female elephants because they are less aggressive than the males.  They are painted to look colourful and fun. People pay to sit in the basket on top and ride them.  Elephants look like they have a strong stable back but they don't.  They walk slowly and sadly, you can literally feel how sad they are as they walk through the crowd and the people on top smiling and laughing because they are riding an elephant.

Their trunks are white down the center.  In order to get the paint off they are scrubbed with rocks resulting in their trunks fading.  It's really awful how animals are treated in many countries around the world, it's heart breaking... they have literally broken these animals just for a joy ride...it's awful.


We went to the Floating Palace.  From my understanding a man of stature - a long time ago built it for his wife.  She wanted place to hangout so he built her a house out in the middle of the water.  There used to be tours out to it however, there are crocodiles in the water and a few years ago a tourist ... well, I'm sure I don't have to continue the story.  It wasn't a happy ending so they stopped the tours.



We went to some step wells.  Back in the day, the people used to get their water from step wells.  They would take buckets and go down to the water line.  They are really beautiful and still in good condition... the one we were at reminded me of the scene in Labyrinth.

We visited the Monkey Temple which was my favourite.  When you enter the area it doesn't smell great, there are lots of dog and the people, I think they live there,  its not the nicest looking place.  And, of course, there are monkeys, everywhere.  There are so many, even on the walk up they are on the road and the stone wall that lines the road.  They still make me nervous, I'm always afraid they are going to attack even though I know they are used to humans.  The red faced ones are the aggressive ones and unfortunately these are the most common.  You just have to walk slowly and don't make I contact or smile at them, then you will be in trouble.

We got blessed at the top and then went and looked out at Jaipur from the top.

Jaipur is a pretty city.  The buildings are bigger and in better shape than the places I have been to in India.  The streets are cleaner along with the buildings... it seems richer and you can see it in everything...though of course it is still polluted...you can see it sitting over the city.  We stood there looking out for I don't know how long.  I watched kids on their rooftops fly their kites and twirl around.  It was really calming watching the city and listening to the far off sounds of the car horns and other city sounds.

We drove through the Pink city... all the buildings in the city are...well...pink!  Rajasthan (the state we are in)  has cities of different colours, and Jaipur has the Pink City.

I had been very clear with our driver that we just wanted to go to the places on our list and that we didn't want to be taken to any places where he would get commission ... he was offended and said he was not like that ... but.... lol.  He made up excuses, the restaurant we wanted to go to was too far so he took us to a really good place that he knew about.... it was awesome ... but already against what I had told him.  I wanted to go to a market and look at jewelry as Jaipur is known for it's amazing jewelry.  "Nope, there are no markets like that, they won't be authentic I can take you to a factory!"  We told him to just take us back to the hostel.... he had said okay the night before.... ah well, next time.  Yes there will be a next time, I'm going back, I will explain that next.

The next day I was going on a tour with the owner of the hostel.   He runs his own NGO.  He has an after school program for children, and classes for women to get educated....here they learn how to read, write, and do mathematics.   They also learn how to sew.  He gets organic cotton and left over material from companies that are going to throw away their scraps.  Then the women make clothing and other things...one being all the bed linens for the hostel.  He also takes designs from Pinterest and they make the clothing and sell it.  Some girls who have visited the hostel before have started their own Etsy business with their clothing.  I even bought a few things myself that they made to fit me and had it for me within 4 hours.  One of the women now runs her own business and can do her own books!

The people he helps are from the slum areas of Jaipur.  He has three day cares where the children range from 3-6 or 7.  He sings with them and teaches them English.

He had done all of this in 4 years with no support from the government.  Everything he makes goes back into each project and whatever little money is left over goes towards his other project.  A school.  There is a building that he wants to buy and fix up so he can have the children from all 3 day cares bused to one school.  He take everything and gives it back to others... his wife teaching the women to sew and his 8 year old daughter helping where she can.   He buys all the schools supplies, gets used clothing, purchases sewing machines whenever he can.  He has no sponsors or government funding.  He doesn't have a website as he doesn't want to become famous, he just wants to help others as best he can.  He is an incredible man and very inspiring.  So inspiring I am going back for 10 days.  I will be in the day cares, 3 days at each.  I will be teaching the little ones English through games and songs.  He is not a teacher so I want to give him a template and some ideas for the classroom!  Also,  a dream of mine for a long time has been to start a school in the slums of India and teach English voluntarily.  When I walked in to the little day care I thought, this is literally my dream. The kids were just amazing, excited to learn, my heart melted and I was almost brought to tears.  Right then I knew I needed to stay.  I couldn't walk away from something like this.  So after talking to the owner I am going back for 10 days to work with the little ones and I will also be doing morning yoga classes at the hostel for free room and board.  I am so excited!!! This is literally a dream come true!


There was a really nice Dutch couple on the tour and we ended up going to a bar with them that night.  The owner took us, had a small sip of tequila and left.  We had a few drinks before they called last call at 11:45pm. 

While we sat enjoying our drinks we were invited by our neighbouring table to join in a celebration where they fed us cake.

Our cab ride home called us cheaters because he went the wrong way.  Here, you get a set price before you take a cab... but in this case it was an Uber.  He got turned around and then wanted more money and called us cheaters. 

First however, its a couple other cities with James before we split off for 12 days and then I am meeting him in Goa.  Yesterday we took a short 3 hour bus ride to Pushkar.  We took a sleeper bus - though we were in seats - and they are pretty awesome so I am going to take one back to Jaipur so I can sleep and have my own little space.

Again, our driver - this time being a tuk-tuk driver - tried getting more money out of us.  He took us to the wrong place and then when he dropped us off asked for more money because he went to the wrong place saying "you only told me what place you wanted to go after we went to the wrong one."  Clearly I didn't I wouldn't give the wrong name of a hostel for fun.  Ughh... man, I'm having to be tough here and its giving me bad vibes in my soul but sometimes you really need to be stern.....pfft.

Today and tomorrow we are going to explore....we are waiting for our Dutch friends to arrive as they are joining us here and we are also meeting up with a friend we met in Delhi.

More adventures await.

                                                      - My Beautiful Life -

Disconnected-Reconnecting-Mountain Meditation

Well I did it, I graduated from my Yoga course, I am certified to teach yoga, isn't that exciting?!?!

I'm not going to lie.  By the third week in my yoga course I was struggling.  I was struggling with myself.  I expected this huge life changing experience and having the best time of my life but I felt the opposite.  I felt disconnected not just from myself but from everyone, even Julie. Don't get me wrong we were close but I felt like I was missing something... I felt completely lack of emotions and I was really struggling with this.

I went through my days focused but didn't really want to be around anyone (unless it was Julie).

We graduated and I barely felt anything.  I didn't care about the party or taking group photos.  I didn't feel a bond with anyone and even though I had learned a lot and felt great physically it didn't really bother me that we were finished a parting ways.

Why was I feeling like this?

I was happy to be moving out of the school and into a hostel - different from where some of the other girls were staying.  I didn't want to hang out with them,  I really just wanted to be on my own and do my own thing and just be around other people.

I had met a few people during the time of my course so I was hanging out with them but other than that I was hanging out at cafe's and going to morning classes with some of the girls which I didn't mind.  We would go for lunch after class but I felt detached and felt awkward in a conversation. I was having negative responses to most things and I was holding on to them...even if it was something small.  For example... my two dorm mates were going to a yoga class that I was interested in.  They stated they had to leave early to get money exchanged and I said I would spot them as it was too early to exchange money.  Next thing I know they are gone!!!  They left without me, so I leave and head to the studio.  I see them at a a cafe so I stop.  "You left without me!"  "We waited downstairs for you but you took too long."  " You didn't tell me you were going downstairs to wait you just left.  It's kind of rude after I offered to pay for you."  I was annoyed but waited for them while they ordered and chatted a bit with one of the shop owners I know.  I look over, they were drinking their coffee there, we were already running late so I said I would see them there.   I start walking and not 5 minutes later they go by me on a motorbike!  Seriously?!?!  I looked at my watch... I wasn't going to make it on time and why show up and pay for them screw them.  So I turned around.  Just I started walking the shop owner I had just been speaking to pulled up on his bike, asked were I was going and offered me a lift!  Honestly, I feel safer on the motorbikes than I do walking the streets, it's very easy to get run over when you are on foot.

I thanked him for the ride and went up to the class and it was completely full...well I guess they still met karma.  One apologized to me the next day, I said it was rude and I just had no respect but it didnt really affect my life.  Though it had pissed me off for awhile!

I went through my days dully, not really being here or there or feeling happy or sad, just being present.

I spent Diwali with a friend, we went for dinner at a cafe and then went down to The Gangas to watch fire works.  A dog joined us for a bit and then left.  He then returned but you could tell the sounds of the fireworks were scaring him so I started petting him, he got up and curled into me and stayed with us the rest of the time.  He then walked me part way home.  It was a really nice night.  It was nice to be away from everyone else and be with someone who was separate from the school but I still felt a bit disconnected.

Another friend I had met out side of the school only got the negative side of me because I was just so on edge most of the time.

Even when Julie left I felt sad but I didn't feel the attachment I thought I would and it was really strange.

I did meet a wonderful woman at my hostel who I had an outing with.  We went around Rishikesh had lunch, looked for a bank that accepted my bank card (no luck) and went to a cafe.  We kept running into people that I knew and she thought it was funny "you have definitely been here awhile!" However, I still didn't feel like me.

All of this was feeling weird and uncomfortable so I was really looking forward to going North to the mountains.  Ellen (one of the girls from my class) and Sergio a guy from the hostel hopped on a 13 hour night bus and headed North.

It was a little frustrating when we got here as it is off season so everything is pretty much shut down but...I LOVE IT HERE!!!  I am finally feeling like me.  The view here is fantastic, it's quiet, I am able to do asana (yoga in the Western World) on the roof top patio with a mountainous view.  Great food, beer (hahah) and I can focus.  I have gotten so much work done and just come back into myself.

A few days ago I walked to the next town - Macleodgang - and had a wonderful day.  I wandered the streets going in and out of the shops.  I really wanted a Tibetan Singing Bowl and ended up in this shop where I spent an hour speaking to the owner.  He showed me different ways of using the singing bowls and then told me about a Guru who gave classes for sound healing.  So after a purchase and many methods of healing I went to the ashram and met with the guru and talked about doing a course with him - I am just not sure when yet.

I then went into a restaurant, Nick's Italian Restaurant, for some lunch and it was starting to rain.  I was asked to sit at a table with a woman who I ended up speaking with for an hour.  We had such a wonderful time!  We parted ways and I met up with David (met him at the hostel my second night) and we had Chai and then took his motor bike back up the mountain and then when for a drink at one of the cafe's.  I was waiting for the rain to let up as it had started again but to no avail.  So I decided I wasn't going to melt and walked back in the rain with no flashlight as my phone had died...but hey... I didn't melt.

Now, it is Sunday, I have been here for 9 days and I just finished a meditation course, Cultivating Mindfulness and Emotional Balance, at the well known meditation centre Tushita.  It was exactly what I needed and opened my awareness to a lot of things.  No, this wasn't a planned thing, in fact, it was last minute.  Two of the girls here said they were going to sign up for a meditation course and I asked to go with them.  I looked at the name of it and thought I could use some emotional balance, and signed up.

It was from 9am to 430pm Friday to Sunday.  A ten minute walk from the hostel and if I left early enough which I did day 2 and 3 I was able to get a cinnamon roll and a chai from the Himalayan Tea shop.  The whole day was done in silence which was amazing.  It was so nice enjoying the afternoon sun in silence listening to literally every sound around you.  By the third day, sounds that would usually annoy me didn't bother me at all - the sound of people eating, spoons clicking in metal bowls.  I heard monkeys moving around in the trees and as two birds flew over head I actually heard their wings!!! It was amazing.

I feel like what I was expecting at the school was what I got the past three days....meditation wise.  I have a better understanding of myself and how to work with situations.

During discussions I realized that as much as we are on this 3 day journey together are all on our own life journeys and here for different or similar reasons.  People come to India for .... enlightenment? I don't know but we all are trying to understand something and it was really beautiful.

I have a better understanding and foundation of meditation.  In fact, I was even able to clear my mind for a few seconds and sit in awareness,  I was so excited about this that internally I was shouting you've done it!!!  You became aware and are not paying attention to your thoughts...oh wait, these are thoughts..damn it! Now I...would you shut up!  Then I had to start again, but its okay, it was a stepping stone.  I really feel like I have come back to myself and feel really great!  It's really hard to explain the feeling.

As soon as it was over, the guy I had been sitting next to for the three days turned to me and said "I"m Fabrizio by the way."  I smiled.  You are with someone for three days but have no contact so it was nice to exchange words.

After a few of us went for dinner and had a nice time.  We are all meeting up at 7am for a yoga class.  Yup, 7.  The sign said 7 but when we called to make sure it was open he said 11, we asked for earlier and he said 9.  We said 7 was best so with a huffing breath he said "fine, you come at 7!"

I believe how I was feeling about everything was a challenge, a deliberate one from The Universe, wanting me to experience challenges and finding this course to help me understand more.  If I learned anything this year it was in Mexico as we all know how well that started for me.  No matter what The Universe throws at you, be excited for the outcomes ... and excited I am!!!

Mountain life has been good for me and I am so grateful for the challenges I experienced and what I have overcome to get to this point.

                                                    - My Beautiful Life -

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