Well I did it, I graduated from my Yoga course, I am certified to teach yoga, isn't that exciting?!?!
I'm not going to lie. By the third week in my yoga course I was struggling. I was struggling with myself. I expected this huge life changing experience and having the best time of my life but I felt the opposite. I felt disconnected not just from myself but from everyone, even Julie. Don't get me wrong we were close but I felt like I was missing something... I felt completely lack of emotions and I was really struggling with this.
I went through my days focused but didn't really want to be around anyone (unless it was Julie).
We graduated and I barely felt anything. I didn't care about the party or taking group photos. I didn't feel a bond with anyone and even though I had learned a lot and felt great physically it didn't really bother me that we were finished a parting ways.
Why was I feeling like this?
I was happy to be moving out of the school and into a hostel - different from where some of the other girls were staying. I didn't want to hang out with them, I really just wanted to be on my own and do my own thing and just be around other people.
I had met a few people during the time of my course so I was hanging out with them but other than that I was hanging out at cafe's and going to morning classes with some of the girls which I didn't mind. We would go for lunch after class but I felt detached and felt awkward in a conversation. I was having negative responses to most things and I was holding on to them...even if it was something small. For example... my two dorm mates were going to a yoga class that I was interested in. They stated they had to leave early to get money exchanged and I said I would spot them as it was too early to exchange money. Next thing I know they are gone!!! They left without me, so I leave and head to the studio. I see them at a a cafe so I stop. "You left without me!" "We waited downstairs for you but you took too long." " You didn't tell me you were going downstairs to wait you just left. It's kind of rude after I offered to pay for you." I was annoyed but waited for them while they ordered and chatted a bit with one of the shop owners I know. I look over, they were drinking their coffee there, we were already running late so I said I would see them there. I start walking and not 5 minutes later they go by me on a motorbike! Seriously?!?! I looked at my watch... I wasn't going to make it on time and why show up and pay for them screw them. So I turned around. Just I started walking the shop owner I had just been speaking to pulled up on his bike, asked were I was going and offered me a lift! Honestly, I feel safer on the motorbikes than I do walking the streets, it's very easy to get run over when you are on foot.
I thanked him for the ride and went up to the class and it was completely full...well I guess they still met karma. One apologized to me the next day, I said it was rude and I just had no respect but it didnt really affect my life. Though it had pissed me off for awhile!
I went through my days dully, not really being here or there or feeling happy or sad, just being present.
I spent Diwali with a friend, we went for dinner at a cafe and then went down to The Gangas to watch fire works. A dog joined us for a bit and then left. He then returned but you could tell the sounds of the fireworks were scaring him so I started petting him, he got up and curled into me and stayed with us the rest of the time. He then walked me part way home. It was a really nice night. It was nice to be away from everyone else and be with someone who was separate from the school but I still felt a bit disconnected.
Another friend I had met out side of the school only got the negative side of me because I was just so on edge most of the time.
Even when Julie left I felt sad but I didn't feel the attachment I thought I would and it was really strange.
I did meet a wonderful woman at my hostel who I had an outing with. We went around Rishikesh had lunch, looked for a bank that accepted my bank card (no luck) and went to a cafe. We kept running into people that I knew and she thought it was funny "you have definitely been here awhile!" However, I still didn't feel like me.
All of this was feeling weird and uncomfortable so I was really looking forward to going North to the mountains. Ellen (one of the girls from my class) and Sergio a guy from the hostel hopped on a 13 hour night bus and headed North.
It was a little frustrating when we got here as it is off season so everything is pretty much shut down but...I LOVE IT HERE!!! I am finally feeling like me. The view here is fantastic, it's quiet, I am able to do asana (yoga in the Western World) on the roof top patio with a mountainous view. Great food, beer (hahah) and I can focus. I have gotten so much work done and just come back into myself.
A few days ago I walked to the next town - Macleodgang - and had a wonderful day. I wandered the streets going in and out of the shops. I really wanted a Tibetan Singing Bowl and ended up in this shop where I spent an hour speaking to the owner. He showed me different ways of using the singing bowls and then told me about a Guru who gave classes for sound healing. So after a purchase and many methods of healing I went to the ashram and met with the guru and talked about doing a course with him - I am just not sure when yet.
I then went into a restaurant, Nick's Italian Restaurant, for some lunch and it was starting to rain. I was asked to sit at a table with a woman who I ended up speaking with for an hour. We had such a wonderful time! We parted ways and I met up with David (met him at the hostel my second night) and we had Chai and then took his motor bike back up the mountain and then when for a drink at one of the cafe's. I was waiting for the rain to let up as it had started again but to no avail. So I decided I wasn't going to melt and walked back in the rain with no flashlight as my phone had died...but hey... I didn't melt.
Now, it is Sunday, I have been here for 9 days and I just finished a meditation course, Cultivating Mindfulness and Emotional Balance, at the well known meditation centre Tushita. It was exactly what I needed and opened my awareness to a lot of things. No, this wasn't a planned thing, in fact, it was last minute. Two of the girls here said they were going to sign up for a meditation course and I asked to go with them. I looked at the name of it and thought I could use some emotional balance, and signed up.
It was from 9am to 430pm Friday to Sunday. A ten minute walk from the hostel and if I left early enough which I did day 2 and 3 I was able to get a cinnamon roll and a chai from the Himalayan Tea shop. The whole day was done in silence which was amazing. It was so nice enjoying the afternoon sun in silence listening to literally every sound around you. By the third day, sounds that would usually annoy me didn't bother me at all - the sound of people eating, spoons clicking in metal bowls. I heard monkeys moving around in the trees and as two birds flew over head I actually heard their wings!!! It was amazing.
I feel like what I was expecting at the school was what I got the past three days....meditation wise. I have a better understanding of myself and how to work with situations.
During discussions I realized that as much as we are on this 3 day journey together are all on our own life journeys and here for different or similar reasons. People come to India for .... enlightenment? I don't know but we all are trying to understand something and it was really beautiful.
I have a better understanding and foundation of meditation. In fact, I was even able to clear my mind for a few seconds and sit in awareness, I was so excited about this that internally I was shouting you've done it!!! You became aware and are not paying attention to your thoughts...oh wait, these are thoughts..damn it! Now I...would you shut up! Then I had to start again, but its okay, it was a stepping stone. I really feel like I have come back to myself and feel really great! It's really hard to explain the feeling.
As soon as it was over, the guy I had been sitting next to for the three days turned to me and said "I"m Fabrizio by the way." I smiled. You are with someone for three days but have no contact so it was nice to exchange words.
After a few of us went for dinner and had a nice time. We are all meeting up at 7am for a yoga class. Yup, 7. The sign said 7 but when we called to make sure it was open he said 11, we asked for earlier and he said 9. We said 7 was best so with a huffing breath he said "fine, you come at 7!"
I believe how I was feeling about everything was a challenge, a deliberate one from The Universe, wanting me to experience challenges and finding this course to help me understand more. If I learned anything this year it was in Mexico as we all know how well that started for me. No matter what The Universe throws at you, be excited for the outcomes ... and excited I am!!!
Mountain life has been good for me and I am so grateful for the challenges I experienced and what I have overcome to get to this point.
- My Beautiful Life -
__
I'm not going to lie. By the third week in my yoga course I was struggling. I was struggling with myself. I expected this huge life changing experience and having the best time of my life but I felt the opposite. I felt disconnected not just from myself but from everyone, even Julie. Don't get me wrong we were close but I felt like I was missing something... I felt completely lack of emotions and I was really struggling with this.
I went through my days focused but didn't really want to be around anyone (unless it was Julie).
We graduated and I barely felt anything. I didn't care about the party or taking group photos. I didn't feel a bond with anyone and even though I had learned a lot and felt great physically it didn't really bother me that we were finished a parting ways.
Why was I feeling like this?
I was happy to be moving out of the school and into a hostel - different from where some of the other girls were staying. I didn't want to hang out with them, I really just wanted to be on my own and do my own thing and just be around other people.
I had met a few people during the time of my course so I was hanging out with them but other than that I was hanging out at cafe's and going to morning classes with some of the girls which I didn't mind. We would go for lunch after class but I felt detached and felt awkward in a conversation. I was having negative responses to most things and I was holding on to them...even if it was something small. For example... my two dorm mates were going to a yoga class that I was interested in. They stated they had to leave early to get money exchanged and I said I would spot them as it was too early to exchange money. Next thing I know they are gone!!! They left without me, so I leave and head to the studio. I see them at a a cafe so I stop. "You left without me!" "We waited downstairs for you but you took too long." " You didn't tell me you were going downstairs to wait you just left. It's kind of rude after I offered to pay for you." I was annoyed but waited for them while they ordered and chatted a bit with one of the shop owners I know. I look over, they were drinking their coffee there, we were already running late so I said I would see them there. I start walking and not 5 minutes later they go by me on a motorbike! Seriously?!?! I looked at my watch... I wasn't going to make it on time and why show up and pay for them screw them. So I turned around. Just I started walking the shop owner I had just been speaking to pulled up on his bike, asked were I was going and offered me a lift! Honestly, I feel safer on the motorbikes than I do walking the streets, it's very easy to get run over when you are on foot.
I thanked him for the ride and went up to the class and it was completely full...well I guess they still met karma. One apologized to me the next day, I said it was rude and I just had no respect but it didnt really affect my life. Though it had pissed me off for awhile!
I went through my days dully, not really being here or there or feeling happy or sad, just being present.
I spent Diwali with a friend, we went for dinner at a cafe and then went down to The Gangas to watch fire works. A dog joined us for a bit and then left. He then returned but you could tell the sounds of the fireworks were scaring him so I started petting him, he got up and curled into me and stayed with us the rest of the time. He then walked me part way home. It was a really nice night. It was nice to be away from everyone else and be with someone who was separate from the school but I still felt a bit disconnected.
Another friend I had met out side of the school only got the negative side of me because I was just so on edge most of the time.
Even when Julie left I felt sad but I didn't feel the attachment I thought I would and it was really strange.
I did meet a wonderful woman at my hostel who I had an outing with. We went around Rishikesh had lunch, looked for a bank that accepted my bank card (no luck) and went to a cafe. We kept running into people that I knew and she thought it was funny "you have definitely been here awhile!" However, I still didn't feel like me.
All of this was feeling weird and uncomfortable so I was really looking forward to going North to the mountains. Ellen (one of the girls from my class) and Sergio a guy from the hostel hopped on a 13 hour night bus and headed North.
It was a little frustrating when we got here as it is off season so everything is pretty much shut down but...I LOVE IT HERE!!! I am finally feeling like me. The view here is fantastic, it's quiet, I am able to do asana (yoga in the Western World) on the roof top patio with a mountainous view. Great food, beer (hahah) and I can focus. I have gotten so much work done and just come back into myself.
A few days ago I walked to the next town - Macleodgang - and had a wonderful day. I wandered the streets going in and out of the shops. I really wanted a Tibetan Singing Bowl and ended up in this shop where I spent an hour speaking to the owner. He showed me different ways of using the singing bowls and then told me about a Guru who gave classes for sound healing. So after a purchase and many methods of healing I went to the ashram and met with the guru and talked about doing a course with him - I am just not sure when yet.
I then went into a restaurant, Nick's Italian Restaurant, for some lunch and it was starting to rain. I was asked to sit at a table with a woman who I ended up speaking with for an hour. We had such a wonderful time! We parted ways and I met up with David (met him at the hostel my second night) and we had Chai and then took his motor bike back up the mountain and then when for a drink at one of the cafe's. I was waiting for the rain to let up as it had started again but to no avail. So I decided I wasn't going to melt and walked back in the rain with no flashlight as my phone had died...but hey... I didn't melt.
Now, it is Sunday, I have been here for 9 days and I just finished a meditation course, Cultivating Mindfulness and Emotional Balance, at the well known meditation centre Tushita. It was exactly what I needed and opened my awareness to a lot of things. No, this wasn't a planned thing, in fact, it was last minute. Two of the girls here said they were going to sign up for a meditation course and I asked to go with them. I looked at the name of it and thought I could use some emotional balance, and signed up.
It was from 9am to 430pm Friday to Sunday. A ten minute walk from the hostel and if I left early enough which I did day 2 and 3 I was able to get a cinnamon roll and a chai from the Himalayan Tea shop. The whole day was done in silence which was amazing. It was so nice enjoying the afternoon sun in silence listening to literally every sound around you. By the third day, sounds that would usually annoy me didn't bother me at all - the sound of people eating, spoons clicking in metal bowls. I heard monkeys moving around in the trees and as two birds flew over head I actually heard their wings!!! It was amazing.
I feel like what I was expecting at the school was what I got the past three days....meditation wise. I have a better understanding of myself and how to work with situations.
During discussions I realized that as much as we are on this 3 day journey together are all on our own life journeys and here for different or similar reasons. People come to India for .... enlightenment? I don't know but we all are trying to understand something and it was really beautiful.
I have a better understanding and foundation of meditation. In fact, I was even able to clear my mind for a few seconds and sit in awareness, I was so excited about this that internally I was shouting you've done it!!! You became aware and are not paying attention to your thoughts...oh wait, these are thoughts..damn it! Now I...would you shut up! Then I had to start again, but its okay, it was a stepping stone. I really feel like I have come back to myself and feel really great! It's really hard to explain the feeling.
As soon as it was over, the guy I had been sitting next to for the three days turned to me and said "I"m Fabrizio by the way." I smiled. You are with someone for three days but have no contact so it was nice to exchange words.
After a few of us went for dinner and had a nice time. We are all meeting up at 7am for a yoga class. Yup, 7. The sign said 7 but when we called to make sure it was open he said 11, we asked for earlier and he said 9. We said 7 was best so with a huffing breath he said "fine, you come at 7!"
I believe how I was feeling about everything was a challenge, a deliberate one from The Universe, wanting me to experience challenges and finding this course to help me understand more. If I learned anything this year it was in Mexico as we all know how well that started for me. No matter what The Universe throws at you, be excited for the outcomes ... and excited I am!!!
Mountain life has been good for me and I am so grateful for the challenges I experienced and what I have overcome to get to this point.
- My Beautiful Life -
__
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